Artwork

Artwork “Voyage” by Christian Schloe

It’s not easy being fourteen. Or growing up female in a culture that continues to objectify women’s bodies and only validates acts of dominance as power.

A teen girl agrees to go to a mother-daughter weekend workshop with her mom. Well, maybe mom kind of bribed her. To sit in a Circle with a dozen other girls and women you never met and talk about ‘secret women’s business’ is far from most teen’s ideal weekend plans. But sticking to her part of the bargain, she arrived. Timid, dreading the minutes as they crept by to the Saturday morning start.

The somewhat reluctant young woman arrives wearing a badge that says, ‘We Can Do It’.  The image is that of a woman with lipstick, tight workshirt accentuating her breasts, hand fisted and displaying her well formed biceps. I am trying to decipher the message: Brute force is what’s needed. Or is the message, women can do anything a man can do? But do we want to? Has war and brute force gained us the world of social justice and humanitarian communities we want for our future generations?

The workshop began in a Circle. Together in the experienced hands of the facilitators we set the tone of equality and safety for all involved, permission for any and all authentic expression. No need for editing here. Down flowed the tears, and more tears. Tears of fear, of embarrassment, confusion, lack of confidence, pressure, tears of cleansing, healing, comfort, and freedom with no need to be rescued or ‘There, there dear’ -ed to silence. A supportive circle of integrity became stronger and deeper because of the unabashed flow of those tears. By the time it was her turn to speak, authentic choked-up words expressed realness, carrying us all to depths within ourselves. Everyone breathed deeper, the room’s tension somewhat alleviated. The day continued.

By Saturday afternoon’s closing Circle the same girl spoke of what she had learned about herself that day, ” I learned that it’s safe and okay to feel uncomfortable, that it will pass. I’m so grateful.” Gold. Embodying one definition of enlightenment: when major catastrophes become minor inconveniences. When the situation can’t be changed, but we stay true to ourselves, even in the discomfort, only to find it’s the hothouse for growing resilience.

So often mothers sidestep conversations, experiences, or delicate subjects with their daughters because either they themselves are uncomfortable with the subject matter, they believe their daughter will be, or probably both. Learning to sit with and explore our own discomfort opens the path to courage and inner strength.

artwork Mara Friedman

Our girls need to know that we are capable of sitting with discomfort, of allowing anger and pain and grief and confusion to arise to teach us as women of our capacity to be whole, in spite of, and as a result of life’s challenges, cultural dysfunctions, and mixed messages. Women are not obliged to dumb down our emotional intelligence to make anyone feel less uncomfortable, quite the opposite. It is our task to investigate, reflect, and explore the lurking and weighty shadow material confidently knowing we will gain wisdom, grow, and always remain whole.

You may like to have a look at the upcoming Mother Daughter programs available this year. Or, if you don’t have a daughter in that age group, please share. Certainly you are a daughter. The upcoming 13-Moon committed Women’s Wisdom Circle provides a safe and powerful forum to enter into the power and mystery that is woman. Click on our upcoming events page.